


Making Amends

by Differentshadesofgrey



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Forgiveness, Gen, Interfering!Sonny, Kissing, Making Up, Sad!Barba, Sonny is a good friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-05 21:55:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20280433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Differentshadesofgrey/pseuds/Differentshadesofgrey
Summary: Barba is sad, Sonny interferes. A happy ending to all that angst.Part 2 of Heartbreak and Death Threats





	Making Amends

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is part 2 to my story Heartbreak and Death Threats, but I think it works ok as a stand alone piece too, so it shouldn’t be too confusing if you’ve not read the first part. It’s a lot longer than i was intending, it kinda got away from me a bit. I'm not sure I like it as much as the first part but I couldn't resist the lure of a happy ending. My knowledge of Spanish is minimal, so if you spot any mistakes, please accept my sincerest apologies and feel free to point it out so i can fix it!

Rafael was a mess.

The last few weeks had been some of the worst of his life.

He hadn't heard from you since you'd ran out of his office. A few days later, he'd come home from work to find all of your things gone from his apartment, the key that he'd given you months ago left on the kitchen counter.

He handled his heartbreak the only way he knew how, burying himself in his work and anaesthetising with scotch when that didn't help. Anything to try to ignore the permanent ache in his chest. He missed you terribly. He couldn't think of anything else, couldn't focus on anything but you. He found his mind wandering often, wondering how you were doing.

He did his best to keep himself closed off and professional during the day, pretending he was fine. And if he cried himself to sleep each night, well, no one else had to know.

Unfortunately, one of the pitfalls of working with detectives was that they were annoyingly observant. It hadn't taken long for the entire squad to start eyeing him with concern every time he saw them. He supposed it was only a matter of time before one of them broached the subject.

In the end, Carisi had been the one to bring it up.

He'd cornered Rafael in his office, sitting on the edge of Rafael's desk as if he owned the place. "Hey counsellor, what's going on with you?" He asked casually. Rafael stared at him for a beat too long, trying to decide which way to go with his answer, before finally raising an eyebrow "I'm sure I don't know what you mean." _Straight up denial_.

Carisi was unperturbed. "I _mean_ what's up with you? Something's bugging you, right? You can talk to me. Y'know, if you want." The detective smiled easily at him, giving a lopsided shrug.

"And why on earth would I want that?" Rafael snapped acidly, glaring at the him. "We're not friends _detective_, we're work colleagues, at best and even that seems like a stretch. Besides, there's nothing to talk about. I'm _fine_." _That was better, he decided. Deflection, with a side of snark and yet more denial_.

Carisi only rolled his eyes, "C'mon Barba, I know you don't believe that. And if you're really _fine _then how come you look like you haven't slept in months? Just tell me what's going on and maybe I can help you."

Rafael considered the younger man for a moment. Maybe Carisi _could_ help him. God knows he could use it. He still didn't know who was behind the threats he'd been getting and even though he'd ended things with you, there was no guarantee that they wouldn't still try to hurt you. He needed to be sure. Find the culprit and put a stop to it once and for all.

With a put upon sigh, Rafael rifled through his desk drawer, eventually pulling out an overstuffed file. He dumped the heavy folder on his desk unceremoniously. As Carisi looked through the pile of threats with growing incredulity, Rafael found himself telling the detective everything, and later, repeating the story to Rollins, when Carisi called her in to help.

He would soon be glad that he had confided in the two detectives, despite the hard time they gave him for not telling them sooner, because in the end, it didn't take them more than a few days to find the man responsible for issuing the threats. Once the man was in holding, it took even less time for them to convince him to turn on the people who had payed him.

Once the situation had been dealt with and he knew you were no longer in danger, Rafael had time to reflect on what had happened. He longed to reach out to you, beg you to come back to him. Time after time he picked up the phone to call you but he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

He'd been so stupid. It had been a huge mistake to let you go, even if he had thought he was doing it for the right reasons. He should have fought for you. Should have hunted down the people responsible for threatening you and made them pay. Instead he'd let fear consume him, breaking your heart and his own into the bargain.

He knew he had no right to expect your forgiveness, he had hurt you deeply. He wanted so badly to apologise but he didn't know what to say. Where would he even begin? He was afraid to face you. He couldn't bare the thought that you might reject him. Or worse, that you might have already moved on to someone new. Someone better. Someone worthy of you. Lord knew, he certainly wasn't. He had let you down. He didn't deserve you.

You wouldn't want to hear from him, he told himself, so he didn't call.

———————

Sonny Carisi made his way up the stairs to your apartment, determined to set things right between you and Rafael. And ok, so yeah, he knew it was really none of his business, but still. Barba was his friend, much as the older man may be loathe to admit it, and Sonny couldn't stand to see him so miserable, even if it was mostly all his own doing. Sonny needed to fix it. Or at least he was going to try his damnedest. He rapped lightly on your door and waited.

You were surprised to see Detective Carisi standing outside when you answered the knock at your door. You had met before, at few times at Rafael's office and once when Rafael took you to have drinks with the squad. You had found him smart and sweet, if a little over enthusiastic. Though you had liked him almost instantly, you didn't know him well enough to call him a friend and definitely not well enough for him to just casually drop by your apartment.

"Hey, I'm sorry to just show up like this, but I was hoping we could talk. Can I come in?" He flashed you a smile that was all dimples, "Please?" You frowned back at him, but you wordlessly moved to the side, opening the door wide enough to allow him in.

He followed you into the living room, shucking his coat as he went. You offered him a drink and went to the kitchen to retrieve it while he made himself comfortable on your couch. Anxiety twisted painfully in your gut as you wracked your brain trying to decipher the detectives sudden presence in your apartment. Something must have happened to Rafael you thought, that was the only explanation that seemed to make sense.

"Detective," you handed him a bottle of beer. "Thanks," he smiled at you as you took a seat on the opposite end of the couch, "and call me Sonny."

"Ok... then tell me why you're here, Sonny. Is it about Rafael? Did something happen to him?" the words tumbled out of you in a rush.

"Yeah, see, that's kind of what I wanted to talk about." Sonny said solemnly. "He's not doing so good. What with the stress of your break up and all the death threats and .."

"Death threats?! Oh my god! Someone threatened to kill him? Did they try to hurt him? Is he ok?" Your voice rose steadily towards hysteria and Sonny winced. Oops, he hadn't meant to let that slip. "Oh, hey, no, nothing like that! No one actually tried to hurt him, they just wanted to scare him. And we arrested the people behind it, so it's totally fine now. He's okay," he backtracked quickly, "I mean, he's not _Okay_ but he's not like, physically hurt or anything. He's just..."

You let out a breath as relief washed over you, sending up a silent prayer of thanks to whatever deity might be listening. "He's just .. what?"

"Honestly, the guy's a train wreck" Sonny said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "It's like he can't function properly without you. He barely leaves his office, he doesn't seem to sleep. He's drinking too much and hardly eating at all. I'm starting to get really worried about him." He admitted, scratching at the label of his beer bottle with his thumb. "He's really cut up about the break up. He's heartbroken."

"Excuse me? _He's_ heartbroken?! That's a joke, right?" You asked incredulously, your voice rising in volume once again, anger threatening to bubble over. What right did Rafael have to be upset? _He_ used _you _and then dumped you when he got 'bored'.

"I don't know what he told you _detective_," you hissed icily "but Rafael was the one who broke things off with me, not the other way around. He made his feelings **very** clear. So whatever it is that's got him so 'cut up' it has absolutely nothing to do with me."

Sonny just sat patiently sipped his beer as you ranted, seemingly unaffected by your sudden outburst. "He told me what happened, the things he said to you, but none of it was true. He only said it because he was scared and I know he regrets it. If you would just reach out to him..."

You stood abruptly, practically vibrating with anger. The nerve of this guy. To show up at your door uninvited and suggest that you should be the one to make amends! After Rafael had ripped out your heart and then stomped on it for good measure. How dare he?! You grabbed Sonny's coat from the back of the couch and held it out to him. "I think you should leave."

Sonny got up slowly, taking his coat from your outstretched hands. "I'm sorry, I didn't come here to upset you." He reached into his pocket and pulled out his card, placing it on the coffee table beside his half empty beer bottle. "My cell number is on the back. I know we don't know each other very well but, you can call me. If you need someone to talk to. I'm a pretty good listener." He smiled sheepishly.

You sighed as you walked him to the door, bobbing your head noncommittally.

"Just... think about what I said... okay?" Sonny turned back towards you as he stepped out over the threshold, "He really does love you, y'know."

You looked away from him, folding your arms across your chest. "Yeah? Well he's got a funny way of showing it." You grumbled stubbornly before you shut the door in his face.

———————

After Sonny had left and you'd had a chance to cool down, you thought about what he had said. And you realized that _maybe_ you had overreacted, just a little bit. You felt kind of bad about the way you had treated Sonny, none of it was really his fault and he was just trying to look out for his friend.

You called him a few days later, ostensibly to apologize but also to try to pry more information from him about the threats that Rafael had received. As it turned out, no prying was necessary. Sonny answered all of your questions with surprising frankness and you listened quietly as he recounted events as honestly as he could.

Your conversation with Sonny made you feel better and worse in equal measure. You were still hurting but you begrudgingly admitted that maybe he was right. Maybe you _should_ reach out to Rafael. If only to get closure on the relationship once and for all. Only because you owed that to yourself, you reasoned, you didn't owe _him_ anything.

That was how you found yourself here, standing outside Rafael's office. It was getting late. The building was all but deserted, save for security. You knew Rafael was still here though, the door to the outer office was unlocked and you could see that his lamp was still on.

You thought about the cruel way he'd treated you the last time you were here and anger coursed through you. You carefully schooled your expression into something cool and composed and then, bracing yourself to face him, you swung open the door to his office, walking straight in without knocking.

His head whipped up at the noise and then he just gaped open mouthed at you for a long moment, his brow crinkling in confusion, as though he couldn't believe it was really you.

You didn't speak, you couldn't. You were overwhelmed by the swirl of emotions you felt when your eyes met his. It was as if it had been years since you'd last seen him, rather than just a few short weeks. You found yourself crossing the room before you even knew it, needing to get a better look at him in the dim light.

Up close, you realised he looked utterly _exhausted_. Hair sticking up at odd angles and tie askew, his shirt, usually pristine, was crumpled. There were deep dark circles under his eyes and the thick scruff along his jaw suggested he hadn't shaved in a while. He'd lost weight, a lot of it, you noted and the open bottle of scotch on his desk was practically empty. He looked so unlike his usual, put together self that it was startling.

You could see now that Sonny was right to be worried. The realization that he was suffering too didn't give you the sense of satisfaction you'd thought it would, exactly the opposite in fact. You longed to reach out and run your hand through his messy hair, to fix his tie and kiss the frown from his forehead. You shook your head in an effort to clear the urge from your mind and clenched your hands into fists at your sides, trying desperately to hold on to the anger you'd felt before you came in.

"Rafael," you whispered, finally finding your voice.

"_Cariño_.." The endearment slipped off his tongue before he could stop it. "Lo siento, I'm sorry," he apologised quickly, seeing the tortured look on your face "I didn't... umm... I just..." he trailed off, uncharacteristically tongue tied. He sighed. "I've missed you."

"Right." You scoffed sarcastically, "That's why i haven't heard from you, huh? Why you haven't called me?"

He frowned. "Did you want me to? To ... call you? I didn't think ... I just assumed you wouldn't want ..."

"Yes, well." You cleared your throat, looking away. "What I wanted never mattered to you before, did it?"

"Of course it did. Does. You're the only thing that's ever mattered to me." He stood, walking around his desk to close the distance between you.

You huffed out a laugh, the sound harsh to your own ears. "Is that so? That's not what you said the last time we were here. What was it you said? Oh yes, I was just a _distraction, _wasn't I? A _good fuck_," you spat.

His face was pained. "I'm sorry." He lifted a hand, taking another step towards you, "I'm so sorry, for the things I said. I didn't mean a word of it. Please believe me."

You took a step back before he could reach for you. You were afraid that if he touched you, your already shaky resolve would crumble. He dropped his hand, a look of hurt flashing across his face. "_Por favor._.. I never wanted to hurt you. I was only trying to protect you. Someone was threatening..."

"I know." You cut him off. "Sonny told me everything."

"Sonny? You talked to Carisi?" He was frowning again. "Then you know I had no choice."

"No choice." You repeated flatly. "You had no choice?" You narrowed your eyes, anger suddenly back in full force. "What about me, Rafael? What about _my_ choice?! You could have confided in me, trusted me with the truth. You could have let me help you, to deal with things _together_. But instead you _chose_ to shut me out."

"I know" he admitted softly "and I'm sorry. I handled it badly. I fucked everything up. But I wasn't thinking clearly. I was just so afraid." His voice was thick with emotion, "I love you so much. I couldn't bare the thought of someone hurting you, or worse."

He slowly moved towards you again, reaching out a hand to cup your cheek. This time instead of shying away from his touch, you leaned into it, tilting your head up so you could meet his eyes. "Eres todo para mí. No puedo vivir sin ti." He whispered. You felt yourself softening, the last of your anger melting away as he tenderly caressed your face.

You gripped his tie with one hand and pushed yourself up onto the balls of your feet, finally bridging the last gap between you, and pressed your lips softly to his. The kiss started out chaste, just the gentle glide of your mouth against his, feather light as you breathed each other in. God, you had missed this. Missed him.

You brought your hand to the back of his neck, pulling him closer still as his tongue darted out to run across your bottom lip insistently. He couldn't help the soft sigh that escaped him as you opened your mouth to him, deepening the kiss. When you finally broke apart for air, he rested his forehead against yours, gazing at you affectionately.

"Te quiero tanto." He murmured breathlessly, his green eyes shining. You lovingly brushed away his tears with the pad of your thumb.

"I know." You assured him. "I love you too."

———————

Later, as you lay in his bed together with legs tangled in the sheets and your head resting on his chest, Rafael tightened his arms around you and vowed never to let you go again.

He made a mental note to get Carisi a thank you gift, something expensive. He owed him.


End file.
